I was Obsessed to be That Girl

  That Girl!

YES!

I had never felt the urge to change myself. I always wanted to be good enough for myself. 

UNTIL! 

My stupid ass Heart fell for a boy.

Back in school time. I had a crush on a boy, my only crush in my lifetime. 

We were batchmates. But, not in the same class. I was an average student while he was excellent in studies, sports, and extracurricular activities. He was kind, smart, and good-looking; i.e., the ideal person.

Every girl in our batch adored him.

He felt so out of my league, that I could not even bring myself to talk to him. In my school life, I had not once talked to him. But, I wanted to be someone of his level. This happened in the second last year of my school ( 9th grade).

I was committed to studying hard and getting into Super 40 (the top 40 students of the batch). I tried to fix my skincare routine, and my diet, and do productive things ( reading extra books, keeping a journal, updating myself about trends). I participated in so many events and even contributed to winning inter-house sports competition.

I even tried to bring change in my look. I tied my hair slightly up than before. No major change. I still could not get his attention. 

One day, I heard a rumor that he was dating a girl from the other section. I felt so betrayed. It was hard for me to accept the truth. 

The fact that we had never spoken to each other, and yet I wanted him to be mine sounds so Stupid. 

My Obsession to be That Girl, was shattered in a moment. 

I knew I was nobody to him. I did not even exist to him. His type of girl is someone else, who is far more prettier than me and way more smarter than me. 

But, I still chose to give the key to my happiness in his hands. I was happy in my little bubble, even though it was for a short period.

I realized I could not be like this for the rest of my life. I didn't want to feel the emptiness. So, my crush on him was lost. I admired him from afar but didn't want him to be mine anymore.

In the last year of my school, I only focused on my studies and myself. I prioritized my peace and growth over every other thing. 

Now, I do not want to be 'That Girl' just to impress someone. I want to be me and happy the way I am. I do not want to force myself to change, to be a good fit for someone else.

I have learned to prioritize myself and my happiness over anything.